“Entah apa la nak jadi dengan budak-budak tepi jalan ni.” Kepala menggeleng perlahan melihat anak-anak muda yang bersepah di tangga dan dataran berhadapan dengan binaan air pancut itu.

            Dia mengalih pandangan mengikut arah pandangan si teman di sebelah.Bibirnya mengukir senyum tawar nipis segaris. “Awak.”

            Si teman berpaling.

            “Dulu saya pun budak tepi jalan jugak.”

            Diam.

            Mereka saling berpandangan,berbicara dengan bahasa bisu yang terpancar dari mata semata.

            Ketawa. “Saya juga.”

            “Apa la pakai ayat skema.”

            Ketawa lagi. “Sebab dah jadi budak skema.”

            “Ada ke budak skema.”

            Senyum. “Ikut skema Allah dan rasul.”

            “Insya-Allah.”

________________________________

upcoming printversion,insya-Allah. pg 1

           "Hello." Bibirnya mengukir senyum ceria.

          Lelaki yang duduk bersendirian di meja luar tu mengalih pandang dari ombak yang menghempas pantai ke arah tuan punya suara yang menegur."Hi." Bibirnya tanpa dipaksa membalas sengih ceria tuan punya topi biru yang seolah berjangkit tu.

          "I'm Wawan." Si topi biru sengih lebar.

          Senyumnya makin melebar di bawah sedar."I'm Luke." Tanpa dipaksa juga bibirnya membalas salam perkenalan itu.

          "You want more food?I get for you?"

          Wajah lelaki itu sedikit keliru sebelum memandang ke arah kaunter di bahagian dalam Sun & Sea Cafe tu.

          "That my sister." Wawan menuding ke arah gadis bertudung ungu di belakang kaunter.

          "I see." Luke kembali membawa pandangannya ke wajah yang masih terukir sengih di bawah topi biru tu.

          "You okay?You sick?" Dia memandang lelaki yang duduk di atas kerusi roda tu dengan kepalanya dicondongkan ke kiri. "I sick too." Sambungnya kemudian dengan sengih lebar. "I can be friend." Dia menghulurkan tangan kanan ke arah Luke. "You want friend?"

           Malam ni sejuk.Tak macam malam-malam sebelum ni.Malam ni angin dingin terasa dah membekukan hujung hidung dan cuping telinga,bukan nyaman sedang elok je seperti yang selalunya.Tapi dia masih juga tak bergerak sejak tadi.Sejak waktu senja tadi lagi;masa mula nak menghabiskan seafood alfredo yang menjadi makan malamnya malam ni.Walau dah hampir tiga jam sejak matahari terbenam,tapi seafood alfredo tu hanya luak setengah pinggan.Walau dah hampir tiga jam sejak matahari terbenam dia masih tak bergerak tak menguit dari posisinya di beranda ni sejak dia mula duduk tadi.

          Gelas yang separuh terisi dengan apple juice lambat-lambat dibawa ke bibir.Diteguk perlahan menuruni rengkung.Matanya jauh melontar pandang ke tengah laut.

          Gelap.

          Kemudian ke tengah langit.

          Gelap jugak.

          Nak hujan agaknya.Hati mengagak sendiri.Tapi hujan tengah summer?Entah....

          Dan seperti malam-malam sebelumnya kawasan kelililing tu hanya berteman bunyi deburan ombak,cengkerik,deru angin dan dentingan windchime dipukul bayu.

          Asrul kembali membawa gelas di tangan ke bibir.

          Tadi Abang Izan telefon.Tanya khabar.Abang Izan kata semua orang sihat.Mama sihat.Dan mama tanya bila nak balik ke Malaysia.Tanpa sedar dia menelan liur yang terasa berpasir.

          Bila kau nak balik,Arul?

          Sampai bila kau nak lari?

          Sampai bila kau nak lari dari kenyataan?

          Sampai habis summer mungkin?

          Berdosa ke dia tinggalkan rumah macam tu?

          Berdosa ke tinggalkan Abang Izan untuk uruskan segalanya?

          Berdosa ke dia tinggalkan mama?

          Tapi Abang Izan cakap dia faham.Mama pun cakap mama faham.

          Hanya dia sendiri yang tak faham dengan apa yang tengah dibuatnya kini.

          Mata yang terasa panas pedih dipejamcelik beberapa kali.Nafas panjang dihela.Cuba melapangkan dada yang terasa sesak.Angin beku yang menyapa tubuh kini terasa macam tak memberi kesan apa-apa.

          Kau dah jadi macam zombie,Arul.

          Dan dia tidak menjawab apa-apa untuk kata-kata yang menerjah kepala tu.Dah tak ada daya.

          Siang tadi seperti hari-hari yang lepas dia hanya duduk di tepi pantai tempat dia duduk selalunya.Menconteng pasir.Membuang pandang.Sampai tengah hari,balik ke kabin.Makan.Kemudian kembali semula ke pantai berpasir putih halus tu.Kembali meconteng pasir,kembali membuang pandang.Hingga datang matahari terbenam.Dan balik semula ke kabin.Mandi dan makan.Makan di beranda dan takkan masuk ke dalam selagi mata tak kelat.Duduk di situ mendengar debur ombak menghempas pantai.Duduk di situ mengira bintang kalau langit cerah tak bertutup awan.Berkongsi cerita bisu dengan Southern Cross dan Orion di tengah angkasa.Dan dalam pada masa yang sama membiarkan tubuh jadi makan malam nyamuk juga.Walau yang nyata sebenarnya dia tak rasa apa-apa meski di tubuhnya liang gigit nyamuk entah dah berjuta.

          Kat sini tak ada penyakit denggi,kan?

          Ke...chikugunya ke...?

          Harapnya tak.

          Dia mengalih pandang melihat lima kabin lain yang berceratuk di keliling kabinnya.Hanya dua je yang berpenghuni.Kabinnya dan kabin selang dua buah tu.Entah siapa yang duduk situ memang dia tak tahu.Tak pernah ambil tahu.Dan tak ada niat untuk ambil tahu.Matanya dialih pula ke arah rumah dua tingkat yang menjadi pusat kabin-kabin tu.Kabin utama untuk Bea's By The Sea Cabin Retreat.Dah gelap.Bea dengan penyewa bilik-bilik kat situ semua dah tidur agaknya.

          Sekilas dia memandang jam di tangan.Di bawah malap limpahan cahaya lampu dari dalam kabin tu samar-samar je nampak jarum jam menunjukkan dah pukul 12.15.Dah lewat tengah malam.

          Dan mata masih tak mengantuk juga.

          Seperti malam-malam sebelumnya.

[assalamualaikum and greetings to all nonetheless

this rambling is actually a part of a very-very long piece.bear with me if you feel like reading it.moving on....]

........Mentioning Variasari, the most significant features of the said magazine for me are the Siri Bercakap Dengan Jin-Tamar Jalis and Almarhum Jalil Miran.Abah used to collect the 70s-80s Variasaris,and yes,I grew-up reading those as well.Abah even has the original version of the first book of the series.Given that abah and mak are 'pure' Melayu (if you get my drift),SBDJ and Jalil Miran's are no joke in our household.Abah is no Datuk(Diah) in SBDJ, but he has had his fair share of SBDJ-esque experience, considering that arwah Tok (his dad) was...what I can say....almost a Datuk(Diah) in flesh.

Diverging a bit,let me tell you a story abah's parents.Abah's family is a classic Melayu family,no kidding.This's something that I found out last year,and it got me gaping like a retarded goldfish for a good 10 seconds. What I mean by classic is like....'filem cerita zaman pendekar Melayu'-classic.You know....the one where there're Orang-Besar-Sungai-Tukang-Jaga-Kuala-Sungai(or something of the sort) manning the rivers with gajah,cukai of jajahan kawasan and mukim,of silat and jurus and the likes,demure ladies doing handmade tekat benang emas and tenun like pros and things like that....Apparently my Moyang G's (Tok's parents) were the clan governing this one arm of a river, and my Moyang J's (Opah's parents) were the other clan governing the other arm.The meeting point of these rivers acted as the sempadan of these two clans' 'jajahan' (if you wanted to put it that way).So now,imagine a gentleman manning the gajah for timber work and a lady doing the tekat and tenun, who first met at this very river juction; you get my paternal gramps.

That's the kind of revelation that you get from your abah when you visited the 150-year old house that belonged to your moyang for the first time in your life.The structure that still stood strong with no sign of crumbling down anytime soon,despite being empty for decades and choked with overgrowth and bats.The same house that still overlooked the rivers that witnessed the stories of my Tok and Opah.

Classic,no?

My head is still grappling over those facts really.It never crossed me before that such stories exist outside the silver-screen.Seems like it does.A nice slap of reality for a cynic like me.Heh.Serves me right.

Back to the 70s-80s era of Variasaris ( I just couldn't be bothered with the 90s ones).I don't know if any of you here ever heard of Almarhum Jalil Miran.For me, he was a man like no other.Anybody can spout pages of things about alam ghaib,mysteries,history,legends, and myths.But nobody can do it like he did. There was hardly anything that he wrote without him being at the location and researching the leads himself.It was always a quest.It was always 'been there,dug there,seen that,done that'.It was never a mindless baseless yakking that was meant to feed the readers of juicy gossips and sensations like what we commonly see now.His pieces were always an exploration of the bases of the claims,that were meant to make you decide on the extent of the truth yourself.Most of the time,he wrote and photographed his pieces himself.If it was about the Malay of Tana Taroja,then at the Tana Taroja he was.Being a journalist 'yang berisi' was also a quality that made him one of a kind.He knew what he was doing. Al Fatihah to almarhum.

Another reading piece that stood-out from my memory and had made a significant mark in my life is Mendaki Kala Pattar-Dr.Zaini Sharani(Ghazali Ngah Azia).Read it when I was 10?11?.Found it in abah's book-box.He got it as a cenderamata for being a judge in Kempen Banyak Membaca or something of the sort.Anyway,back to the book.After being used to Enid Blyton's fictious adventure,this book gave me a dose of reality that adventure really do happen to us; the non-fiction fleshy-human.Haha....I think I spent a good half of my teenage years dreaming (even till this very moment actually) of going to Nepal and conquering the Himalaya myself, and Dr.Zaini Sharani was then declared as my hero.He still is,actually.He proved to me that anak Melayu even in those 80s era had had it in them to put Malaysia standing in the eyes of the world.It was him that made me believe that the proverbial 'sky is the limit' were not mere words.He showed me that sheer will and dreams could take you anywhere with His will.Through the book, I strolled down the roads of 'downtown' Kathmandu, trekked the snowed-in passes, walked with the yaks, drank Nepali chai, ate tsalbat and thukpa like it was nobody's business.I'm quite sure that not many of us here ever heard or known of him and his expedition of conquering the Kala Pattar.Sure,it's no Everest.But hey,it was a feat.A big one too for that time. And when we did conquer the Everest in 1997(?),I was sadly disappointed that he was not one of the figures being interviewed,considering that he was the big taiko who introduced the mountaineering sport to us Malaysians back then.But really,this book rocks.Grab it if you can find it.

Enough with novels and proses for now.I actually love puisi too.By the age of 11,I already have my own 'antologi puisi' scrapbook of the pieces that I've penned down.Haha.When my first piece was published in the pilot episode of Didik (the educational classroom newspaper back then),it was a real highlight in my writing history then.Even a bigger moment compared to winning the 1st place in a writing contest in Majalah Adik when I was 10.Because I love puisi-writing more than prose and fiction I guess.It was a good thing that Majalah Adik's editorial were such a sport that they didn't mind me sending them puisis almost every single month.

Yes,really dorky.I know.

I went all dorky when I first got the chance to see Rahman Shaari recite his infamous 'Harimau' live too.And I went all star-strucked again when I saw him in the DBP's dewan seminar,giving his POV on Naguib Mahfouz's works from the floor (he was not part of the panel).And I love Pyanhabib's infamous 'Bapaku Seorang YB' as well.I can still recall when I first saw him on TV when I was 8?9?It was for some kind of Malam Puisi..for Merdeka?Can't remember.I was watching it with mak....he recited that piece live on air – the 'songlap duit rakyat' part is still fresh in my mind.And after that,I haven't seen him much in the mainstream media.Kena gam mungkin.But he's back now,I'm glad =)

[assalamualaikum and greetings to all nonetheless]

-this's my private musings.just leave it if you don't want to read.thanks =)

I was rummaging through my old junks some time ago when I was home (as in Malaysia-home).It was some kind of a routine thing that I do every time I'm home. Sifting through old photo albums… raking through old cards, postcards, and letters from my penpalling/corresponding years when you've got nothing better to do but to write 8-10 pages of handwritten letter to your good buddies over the school break…flicking through the old magazine collections of Bujal,Adik,Kuntum, 70s & 80s prints of Mastika and Reader's Digests….musing over the dusty manga volumes the likes of Dragon Ball, Slam Dunk and Kindaichi's….rummaging the NBA,AND1,and Jordan's CD collections from its respective hideouts….reading the bookspines that double-lined the racks around the room….and I came to a conclusion.

I am such a dork.haha

My reading history started with the minty-green Rumah Sang Kambing Terbakar and the purple Cerita Sang Semut. Can't remember much la how old I was, but I remember I had the book while we still lived in abah's kampung…so I was like 2?3?Mak told me that once around that age,I went to my late atok (mak's dad) and he asked me to read one of the book, and I nearly dislocated the old man's jaw because I read every single page word by word and he thought his cucu could read already.No, I was not really fluently literate that time.I actually memorised the whole book by heart,with each respective words from each respective page,because of the countless recounts from mak's read-aloud.Haha….Dorky tahap tak ingat sungguh.Mak said she really lost count over the times that I asked her to read the book.Having a housewife-mak have its perks I guess….you can have your favourite books to be read aloud anytime.

I was a hard-core reader.I read anything.Anything that can be read.Even the old newspaper we used to line my aunt's kitchen floor when we wanted to air-dry the plates after kenduri.

I became the Pengawas Pusat Sumber when I was in Standard 2.It was like a dream come true to be surrounded by so many books.Then came the Hardy Boys (translated version) which were my Pak Chu's. From there it transcended into the series of Enid Blyton's 5 Sekawan, 5 Penyiasat and the other series as well. Being a PSS and having the whole library at my disposal,I went through the series like fire going through dry haystack.Uncontrollable (ie:like a maniac).That was the primary school years era.Abah was also the guru Pusat Sumber for his school that time.And cue....the DBPs'.

My exposure to 'serious literature' actually began when I was 5. It was Iwan Simatupang's Merahnya Merah.Abah was doing his course-entah-apa kat Genting and Institut Bahasa.I was in tadika that time.So, whenever he came back once in a while he always have his homework with him.He was writing his paper on the typewriter with a photocopied version of Merahnya Merah opened on his side.And I was on his lap.And I read...without having any idea at all about what I was reading, and what he was talking to me about the book.

Darjah 4 and 5 was the actual sastera-and-Sasterawan Negara-mania era.I guess it really started because I was running out of things to read.I was done with the 5 Sekawan and the likes series. Whenever we went back to mak's kampung for long holidays,it was really up to me to amuse myself (especially when it was raining outside).Hence....the poring over mak's,abah's and Pak Chu's old SPM and STPM's sastera texts as if there were no tomorrow.The ones that I loved most from those time were the Antologi Cerpen Cerita Seorang Seniman (Penyelenggara:Hashim Awang),the yellowed  Hikayat Malim Deman,Keris Mas's Patah Tumboh (yes,it was that old that it was spelled that way),Cikgu Shahnon's Srengenge and Debu Merah,Ustaz Azizi's Seorang Tua Di Kaki Gunung, and Zaharah Nawawi's Menuju ke Puncak.Since then, it was a personal goal to grab anything DBPs.Simply because I loved it.

There were few hilarious(or maybe not so) incidents regarding this too.Back then there was this drama slot on RTM dedicated to the works of the Sasterawan Negaras.It was amusing to watch the books that you've read to come to life and going 'hey... I know this part...I know the part after this too....' It was me and mak's favorites.The ones that I remember most are Tamu Bukit Kenny with Raja Azura playing the part of the maid (including the a-go-go skit that got me and mak laughing over her antics), and Abu Bakar Omar playing the part of Imam Hamad (correct me if I'm wrong) in Srengenge.It's a real shame that they don't have it anymore, and only having weird dramas that got me all culture-shocked whenever I come back to Malaysia for breaks.

"...kau jangan jadi bacul,Jebat."

Haha...tell me who knows not of that line if they know Cikgu Shahnon and his work.Abu Bakar Omar was good with his role.And the 'Jebat' too =)

As for the Cerita Seorang Seniman anthology, I was nearly laughing out loud when I saw some of the cerpens in my Komponen Sastera SPM book were from this very anthology (and some were from the Esso-GAPENA anthologies that I've read as well). To say that I was happy was an understatement.Because when I read the anthology 7 years prior to my SPM year, I read the book written by Sutung Umar for the anthology's analysis as well.Knowing you stuff inside out was exhillarating.For a literature dork like me at least.Heh.

And Seorang Tua Di Kaki Gunung;this piece of Ustaz Azizi's is always close to my heart,and Ayahanda as well.– my arwah atok(mak's dad) was almost a Tukya down to a science.

Arwah atok always indulged me with his rendition of 'cerita orang zaman dulu'-especially when it was raining and he couldn't go menoreh.Hence it was no suprise that I treasured abah's tattered Siri Kesusasteraan Melayu Bil.6 -Cherita Jenaka that I found in the old boxes when I was 10 so much.The book compiled the tales of Pa' Kadok,Pa' Pandir,Lebai Malang,Pa' Belalang and Si-Lunchai (deliberate old-Malay spelling).It boasted in the preface that the tales all had been written for the editors by Raja Haji Yahya bin Raja Muhammad Ali of Chenderiang,and he collected them first-hand in Perak; complete, unabridged, and as been told.

As for old texts,those are my guilty pleasures.I even loved the yellowed Puisi Lama (Penyelenggara:S.Takdir Alisjahbana).I think those who took Sastera for SPM/STPM in 1970 are familiar with book.It contained  selected puisis used in the 'masharakat lama'.It even has teromba,gazal,nazam and even mentera tangkap buaya (no kidding!) in it.My personal favourites are the bahasa berirama –especially the verse for 'Itulah alamat hari nak siang' and 'ramai bekerja'.I think those who are familiar with old scriptures are no stranger to this common verse below

Sabung bertunda bulu ayam

Sabung tak berhenti siang malam

Air didih menganak sungai

Keran nasi membusut jantan

Terung berbuah di gelegar

Serai beranak atas dapur

Kepala kerbau dibuat tungku

When I was reading Hikayat Malim Deman and Hikayat Dewi Murni then,I noticed that there were lots of usage of bahasa berirama,especially the 'panau terchelek' in Malim Deman.Haha....mak and abah always laugh when we got to the 'panau' part.After reading the Puisi Lama that I just realised that it was part of the 'gaya bahasa' for that kind of writing.Hmm...I wonder if anyone here ever read Hikayat Misa Taman Jayeng Kusuma.Now,that's totally random.

I guess the love for old texts developed from mak and abah's Sastera Lama old text books yang bersusun all over the house.One fond memory when I was a kid, there's this one time,abah called me to come down.He said there was something on the TV that he and mak wanted me to watch.It was cuti sekolah, and the TV channels were having this nonstop Rancangan Cuti Sekolah.

And guess what it was?

It was the cartoonised version of the epic;Ramayana.

So there we were,the whole family watching an epic old text came to life, with mak and abah being the live commentators of the film and the book.I had already read Hanuman:Potret Diri-Uthaya Sankar SB then,so the show was no Sanskrit to me.No pun intended.Haha. And now bila dah besar macam ni,I just realised that musing over hikayat lama is not a common past-time for any family,really.

Whenever I was back in kampung,apart from scavenging those old books mentioned above,I kept my thirst for reading materials with mak's 60s-70s Majalah Wanita and abah's 60s-70s Mastika as well.From those Wanitas , I started to fall in love with Little Women (they translated the book and turned in into novel bersiri),Haslinda (Kaksu....entah agaknya bila la kita boleh dapat jumpa copy buku ni agaknya....),and not to forget Libur Bersama Mak Cik Ara.Haha.

Mastika from the 60s and 70s were good reading materials as well.I wish that the present Mastika can at least be half as good as its former editions,by cutting down all those nonsense tahyul,myths and gossips from its pages.The Mastika back then never made me felt like my intelligence was insulted.True, reading the analysis on the IRA's visions,struggles of Margaret Thatcher being the first woman PM,or the review on the impact of Berlin Wall to the world history could be a bit overwhelming,but a 10-year old could take it in stride.And the cerpens and puisis published in the magazine the were good as well (or sastera-worthy if you want to put it that way).Even almost 80% of Keris Mas's Patah Tumbuh was also from his works published in Mastika,see what I mean?If you want to imagine the content of Mastika back then,go find yourself a copy of Time or Newsweek.Imagine those two in Malay,and there you can see the former face of Mastika.Even the Variasari back then was much better than the today Mastika I'd have to say.

Enough with my personal spew on that.